Self Portrait #1 

        I give myself this project and then I find myself not able to handle the responsibility of it. Maybe I do need someone to tell me what to write, what to think about, what to shoot, how to make money, and so forth. This could be why I am such a failure as a boss to myself. I cannot live up to what I want. I am dreading going home because I feel like I will just get stuck in my mundane life cycle and not live up to my potential, but I don't have the stamina for that anyway. I am a sloppy photographer. Like JC said, "When I’m on the boat I can't wait to get off, when I’m off the boat I can't wait to get on."1 I don't want to live like I want to be somewhere else anymore. I've been so crazy the last couple of days. I keep waiting to have something worth while come out of myself, but it does not. I'm pathetic right now. 

(This was written around week five)
(1. JC is a performer on the ship. She has taken 8 contracts so far.)